September was to be a step further up my ladder to achieving my dream to perform on the big stage. In essence although it was mealy a continuation of what I have achieved over the last couple of years, it felt like a new start. Going part time at work in order to study further within performing arts was definitely a big change for me. I guess the only thing I can liken it to is riding a bike - eventually the training wheels have to come off and you have to take that risk of riding without them. That is the stage that I am at right now.
Talking of bikes I still remember 3 of the best bike crashes I had as a kid. The first, I almost ended up in a pond at a park... i forgot to turn a corner. The 2nd i ploughed at speed into a brick wall... again I forgot to turn the corner... and the third was where remarkably I remembered to turn a corner - and ploughed into a couple of old age pensioners. I think the moral to this story is that I should stick to acting rather than riding a bike. I get the impression I have gone off at a tangent again, haven't I?
In my mind September was gonna be something really special, so it goes without saying I wanted everything to go as smoothly as possible. The only issue with this is, that we live in the real world, so it was inevitable that my hopes would be dashed at the first hurdle. I am no pessimist, I am sure you have established this by now. But I am a realist and I know that optimism is never long lived in the real world.... well not without encountering some bad times on the way. I also know it takes strength to overcome the bad times in order to keep dreams on track.
The first stumbling block came when someone whom I had been building what I thought was a stable, solid and trusting relationship betrayed that at the click of a finger. I wont lie it was hurtful, especially when I ensured that I treated that individual with the care and friendship that I felt he deserved. I could dwell on this for hours. I could analyse it and say "what went wrong?", but you know what? I refuse to let myself get beaten down by this now.
Why am I not mourning this loss you may ask... What I saw was his true colours. It goes to show that people who seem nice, kind and caring on the surface can in fact (though i concede not in all cases) be good for nothing human beings who's mere existence becomes so self-absorbed, and spiteful that they lose all sense of value both in themselves and others. I won't lie - despite all this I don't hate that person, but I do realise that those months of friendship were very much one way and based on a lie... well on his part anyway. Do I have any regrets? No not really, I acted as a good friend to him and that's what matters to me. I know that may sound silly, but if I have been a good friend to him theres nothing more I could have done. Theres only one person at a loss here and its not me.
So as you can see I bounced back from this pretty quickly. This all happening on the Tuesday before I was due to start my college courses. I was pretty proud of myself that for once I didn't dwell on a matter like this, I wanted a clear mind for the following week. I will admit, usually I would be aannoyed for weeks about something like this. Sure I felt a loss and I still do to an extent, but my focus was onwards and upwards.
So Friday comes around, the weekend before my return to education! It was also the day which saw me resume organising gigs for local bands. This would allow me to pursue my other interest of local music as well as earn some extra money which would help plug the financial gap left by cutting my work hours in favour of college. I've never treated the gigs as a serious business, but now was a new start and if I was to make this work then I had to make ends meet.
So the gig... Its at a place I had worked at many times before with bands I mostly knew. The location was a small town near Staines in Middlesex. We only use a church hall there, its ideal for small gigs and cheaper than hiring a "real venue". So its ideal for what we do. I was very much comfortable in the surroundings there. Having done a years worth of shows there before I knew that the area was pretty safe and we also shared a good raport with the local police. So the last thing I expected was to be attacked.
Yes that right! The week had gone from bad to worse. I was attacked at the door of the show by some random pikey. I am not sure of exactly what happened I have been left with no memory of the entire evening, along with a couple of nasty wounds and a ton of swelling to the right hand side of my face. The problem with head injuries is that most of the pain cant be seen - headaches etc. It ended with me finishing the gig (not that i remember this), then spending the night in A&E. I am very lucky to work with some amazing people on the gigs who supported me on the evening and since. These are true friends... ones that care about me. So there you have it - not everyone is out to hurt people!
So I guess even before starting back at college I have learned a lot... not about drama, rather about the human race. There are some really nasty people out there, but equally there are some people who really care and value me for who I am. It is because of these people that I continued with my gig this week, just a week after the attack. Sure I was apprehensive... not that I would ever admit this to my friends before the show. I am pleased to say there was no incidents to report this week! As for college - well I will tell you about that another day!
G x
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