So the first performance of the year is finally upon me....EEEK! I have to be honest I could have worked harder for this, but when there is a group unity missing, it feels like you are working towards a worthless cause sometimes. It is easy to forget that you are really out for yourself in acting land. As they say its a dog eat dog world... or I guess in this case, actor eat actor world... though if i am honest I never have fancied eating an actor before. But if I did, I would imagine they would taste like chicken, wouldn't you?
Anyhow, before the performance had even started we found out we were to be down an actor. All be it for genuine reasons, but frustrating none the less. Want to know whats worse? The missing actor was a core part in the play... OUCH! Oh and did I mention that there weren't any understudies? All be it Daniel, another guy on the course valiantly stood in, but as you can imagine with someone introduced so late on, the balance was lost and all that had been covered in rehearsals was best part wasted. We had just one full run through with Daniel before the final performance, and I will give him his dues he did a great job in the circumstances.
So lets jump to the end of the evening now. The point where we got our feedback. Now Cat is always pretty straight talking. You know she will be fair when she assesses your work. What came next was a shock to me, our teacher said that she liked my characterisation of the role, and that it was a generally good performance from me. As ever I was faulted on my articulation, but this has always been a flaw of mine, I speak too fast, and unless I concentrate I forget about this in performance. The point is however I got a generally positive set of notes from the performance.
So I must be happy right? Not at all. I couldn't disagree more with my teacher! I felt my characterisation was poor, as was my movement, and well... everything was poor. I am actually embarrassed by that performance, good feedback or otherwise! Some people say I am too harsh on myself. But me, I disagree, I set my bar higher than others, and if i don't reach it, I have failed. Too many people take comfort in being part of the crowd, but you never get noticed as an individual unless you step out of that crowd and make a statement! And I want to make that statement!
So what next? Well I put a bad performance behind me, close the door on this blog and move on! Only next time I will be much better. I guess we all have our off days, and this was definitely one of mine!!!