Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Hitting The Wall... Really Rather Hard

A few blogs ago, I said that I am always honest when I write... so do you wanna know how I feel right now? Pretty crap is the god honest answer.

If you drop an egg from your bedroom window, the chances are it will go splat. Of course that is working on the principal that your bedroom is upstairs and the egg isn't hard boiled. Either way this egg... well thats me right now... I feel like I have just gone splat. Why? I don't know, I just feel down, everything around me just feels down. The crazy thing is I have so many supportive people around me who say the nicest things and get right behind me (though not literally you may be pleased to know). They're are friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. Some of these I have only met in recent weeks, others have stood by me for a lot longer. Either way this is a point where I would like to put a big shout out to all my friends who are always there for me, I value each and every one of you. All of a sudden this is sounding more like a speech at the Tony Awards or the Oscars rather than a blog about me feeling down!

I have potential casting calls coming up, all be it for nothing spectacular and three courses in under a weeks time which will further my skills and take me another step closer to achieving that dream of mine which I have waffled on about so much over the last couple of months. Anyone in their right mind would be excited... some how i'm not. Its not nerves, I just feel so emotionless right now. Its like my character, my sole and inner being has been torn from me leaving the empty shell of a person behind. Sure I can fake a smile when I need to, but i'd rather smile because I was happy and not because I want to make other people happy instead. I know that sounds so over the top, but it summarises how I have felt for these last couple of weeks.

I guess I just need to find some inspiration. Watching Billy normally does that for me, especially when Fox is performing. What a great idea!!! Oh wait... I have about £3 to my name... plan B anyone? I guess I just need to hear something inspirational... its amaxing how some wise words normally get me fired up. I know its a Billy Elliot reference again but the most inspirational thing I have heard of late was an old interview with one of the original Billy's called Liam Mower. He said "I don't care if I become famous, I just want to be successful". What very wise words from someone who was twelve years old at the time. I totally feel this, its my thoughts exactly. I am keeping that quote close to my heart. Everyone dreams of stardom when they want to act, I dream of living a lifestyle I enjoy. Hell if my living costs are covered who really needs fame?

So I guess in conclusion, what I really need to do is take that egg thats gone splat, and replace it with a delicious chocolatey easter egg! Shame its not easter time, though that said, at the end of August, Christmas sweets were already appeaing in the supermarkets So anyway, thats where I am right now. So anyone have some words of wisdom that may pick me up?

G xxx


  1. You've expressed very emotionally that you feel emotionless (which seems to be the same as feeling down for you). But you didn't explained why. There must be reasons! Both outside and inside you...

  2. Your doing a good thing, keep the faith x

  3. Very emotional blog indeed. But don't give up. Go go go Gareth! And make your dream come through.